sakurananachan: (Default)
[personal profile] sakurananachan
*looooong sigh*
Okay so... I have been trying to avoid the thought, as if not talking about it would make it go away... and maybe that's why I'm posting it here, that way only me and myslef would know about it, as if making it less of an issue...
But yeah... not going away anytime soon...
I went to my old college to take some stuff I needed to take... for a moment I contemplated of going over to the classrooms and say Hi to old... friends? Were they even friends to me?... But i stopped myself at the end and didn't do it.
however...
Why bother with a long story and explanation that would only serve me as a way of getting it out of my chest... besides I made a promise to him to never talk about it to anybody... it's been... WOW!! 5 years!! time flies when you're missing someone... I think it was mean of him to ask for somehting like that, and sometimes I wonder if he's been respecting the promise... very likely so, since he'll be a priest next year ne?
I wanted to see him, even if just see him... but couldn't find teh courage in me to go peek on a window and see him again so I would have to walk away from it again...
However, we ocassionally, and I do mean very ocassionally, leave off line messages on MSN, just for the fun of it. So apparently, eventho I tried to be as conspicuos about my visit, someone did see me and he ended up finding out about it and called me on it through an off line message.
for the first time I answered with the truth and for the first time he answered like he used to... when we... well, like back in the day...
He said I should go visit again and this time not stop myself and actually go see him, he said he wanted to see me...
This is the reason I wanna leave this place!!! Is not worth teh trouble all over again!! Why can't it be as easy as the first tiem I ran away from him, why ca'nt I just turn around and make a run for it... Will this be the punishment for my sins? Will I atonish them by having to see the result of walking away from them...?
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